


Atonement

by BoxedWine



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Kidnapping, Protective Bucky Barnes, Romance, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-09 16:58:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 20,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17410736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoxedWine/pseuds/BoxedWine
Summary: You disappeared a few years ago and the Avengers found you in an abandoned HYDRA base, left in perpetual cryo.The Winter Soldier took you, but it was Bucky Barnes who rescued you.Can you forgive him? Can he find atonement for stealing you from your life?





	1. Finding Her

The words he hoped not to hear on this mission, came plain as day over the comms, in Tony’s voice.

“We have another one.”

Bucky felt his stomach churn as he followed Tony’s directions to find the hidden cryo chamber. When he entered the room, Tony and Natasha were preparing the chamber for safe opening. Bucky approached the window and looked at the face inside, a young woman. He imagined her eyes opening, her looking at him in fear.

“I remember this one, too,” Bucky said quietly. “She was one of the last. I’m pretty sure she was not long before I saw Steve on the bridge.”

Steve joined them in the room and placed his hand on Bucky’s back, trying to comfort him. “That’s good, Buck. That means she has a life she can return to. People alive who love her.”

“Minus a few years,” Bucky said bitterly.

“Not your fault, HYDRA made you do it, yada yada yada,” Tony snapped. “Let’s get her out of here first, therapy later.”

Bucky assisted in the opening of the door when Natasha indicated it was ready. He gently lifted the woman, cradled her and laid her on the table as softly as he could so they could finish the waking procedure. He brushed some hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. 

“I’m so sorry,” he said, moving his hand to hold hers.

“Know anything about this one?” Natasha asked.

“No. I wasn’t told anything about any of them,” Bucky replied. He sat down in the corner and put his head in his hands. “Please don’t let there be any more out there. Please.”

Bucky observed as Natasha warmed the mystery woman up with a blanket and gave her fluids. He looked away when she dressed her in a simple sweatshirt and pants combo.

“Alright. Clint and Sam have cleared the rest of the base. Looks like she’s all that they really left behind when HYDRA fell. Too risky to take probably, like the others,” Tony said.

Bucky stood and walked over to the table. She’s pretty, he thought sadly. Her face, full of fear, flashed in his mind. She fought so hard, even tried to negotiate. She didn’t understand what she was dealing with. One does not negotiate with the Winter Soldier. He simply destroys your life. End of story. Bitterness overwhelmed Bucky. 

He picked her up, just as carefully as before and cradled her still chilled body into the warmth of his chest. She stirred slightly, but remained asleep. She even turned slightly to nuzzle into his chest as though seeking his body heat.

Steve held up a blanket and Bucky nodded. Steve helped wrap it around her, and the team began to file out of the room and make their way back to the quinjet.

Once they boarded, Bucky chose a double seat where he could comfortably keep her cradled against him.

“The body heat helps,” he said, but nobody questioned him because they knew it was true and that Bucky was desperate to help in his quest for redemption.

***  
You banged on the elevator button with irritation. Broken again. Your apartment building had the worst management ever. You stomped up the stairs to your third floor apartment and set your bag and mail down on the kitchen counter. The work day had been long and frustrating, so you pulled out a bottle of wine and a single stemless glass.

But first things first. You headed to your room to take a shower. Sitting on the edge of the bed, you pulled off your boots and leggings and pulled your sweater over your head, leaving you in a fitted black short sleeve shirt and wool skirt. 

It was when you were in the bathroom, facing the mirror that you sensed something was wrong. Was that a flash of movement in your bedroom? You stepped out of the bathroom and looked around. He was on you before you registered a sound, a hand over your mouth and the other arm around your waist and encompassing your arms. You tried to struggle and were taken aback by the lack of give. Who was this freakishly strong intruder? You glanced down, confused by the shiny surface. Metal? What the hell?

“Don’t make a sound or I will have to snap your neck,” said a voice without emotion. You nodded and squeezed your thighs together hoping not to piss yourself out of sheer fear.

His hand slid down to your neck and he began to guide you toward the bed.

“Oh, god. Please. Please don’t.”

“I’m not,” he replied tonelessly. “But this hurts less if you cooperate. Lie down on the bed. Stomach or back, doesn’t matter.”

“You said you weren’t going to…”

“This is not what you think. Now lie down.”

You did not lie down. Instead you made a run for the door. He grabbed you effortlessly and pulled you against him again and huffed with irritation. His strength was inhuman you realized. It made no sense how easy this was for him, as hard as you were straining to escape. He even let go with his flesh arm to reach behind him and grab something. And you still couldn’t budge him. His hand returned with a hypodermic needle. 

“Please,” you begged. “We can work something out.”

“If you struggle during the injection, you will wake up very sore,” he said. “Your choice.”

You decided to risk soreness. You struggled and fought like you didn’t know was possible. Even as the room went hazy and you slid down his body, against the leather and the straps, you tried to pound him with your fists. He was still, unmoving, unaffected.

When you were almost fully out he picked you up and cradled you to his chest. Your last thought was of the extraordinary body he heat he emitted.


	2. Awake

You woke in a cozy but cheerful room, wrapped in soft sheets and a thick blanket. Your head felt like it was stuffed with cotton. You eyed the monitors tracking your vitals and the fluids flowing into your arm. What happened? This doesn’t look like a hospital room but clearly you were receiving some sort of medical care.

You took some deep breaths and tried to clear your head. It hit you like a flash. A vivid shard of memory. People in white coats standing over you. A guard with a large gun. You were tied to a table, a prisoner. The panic took over instantly and you ripped the sensors from your chest and yanked out the IV, paying no mind to the blood leaking down your arm.

You stumbled to the door, shocked at how unsteady you were on your feet. At one point, you almost slipped on your own blood, that dripped down your side. Steadying yourself on the doorknob, you peered into the empty hall and began to drag yourself toward the exit sign.

“Where are you going?” a male voice came from behind you. You froze and turned. A man with brown curly hair and glasses was looking at you with surprise. “You’re safe here, but you’re bleeding. Let me help you.”  
You turned and continued to stumble toward the staircase. The man’s footsteps sped up behind you and you could hear him mumbling to someone. “She’s awake and making a run for it. She’s understandably scared so approach with care.”

When you reached the stairs, you could hear someone below. A female voice was saying, "I’m in the north stairwell." Shit. You began to climb, trying not to feel dizzy. It turned out, you were only a couple floors from the roof and you found yourself at a dead end. You stepped out into the chill of the air, shivering in your gown.

You froze when you saw a man sitting on one of benches, staring out at the skyline of whatever city you were in. New York? You’re still in your own city? You remembered feeling so far away from all that you knew when you were on the table with the lab coats.

The man stiffened almost immediately, as if he knew you were there. He looked big, tall and muscular. Longish brown hair. 

“We didn’t expect you to end up on the roof,” he said softly. “You’re safe here. You’ve been rescued.”

He still hadn’t turned around, and your heart was racing out of control. Something wasn’t right. If these were your rescuers, why wouldn’t he look at you? You began to edge toward the ledge, just as a redhead burst out the door.

“Hey there, Y/N,” she said in a soothing voice. “I know this is really confusing but you are safe now. You are in the Avengers Tower. Remember Iron Man? Tony Stark? This is his building. I know you lived here during the attack on New York. I’m Natasha. I’m an Avenger also.”

“Black Widow,” you mumbled.

“Well yeah, but let’s go with Natasha or Nat,” she smiled.

You glanced at the man, who had yet to turn around. The tension in his back was palpable. Something still wasn’t right.

Natasha followed your gaze. “That’s Bucky. He’s one of us. You are going to be okay.”

“What is he doing?” Your eyes moved down his body, a glint on his arm catching your attention. His arm…

“Oh my God!” you screamed and tried to take off running. Your panic combined with blood loss meant you were headed for the edge of the building. You scrambled up onto the ledge, but could barely process the deadly fall right below you. You didn’t want to jump, but the dizziness overwhelmed you and you started to topple over, just as a metal arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you back to safety.

***

You sat back on your bed, blanket wrapped around you, listening as Natasha told you what had happened. Taken by HYDRA, placed in cryo, presumably for some later use that they fortunately never got around to, missing for more than five years.

“It doesn’t feel like that long,” you whispered. 

“You were asleep,” Natasha said.

“My family…” Tears began to flow down your cheeks.

Natasha took your hand. “We contacted them. They are on the way. Flights get in tonight. They are so happy to hear you are okay.”

You stiffened. “Him. You said HYDRA took me. But it was him. On the roof. How do I know this isn’t a trick?”

Natasha sighed. “Let me go grab us some food and drink and I’m going to fill you in his story. But I promise you are safe. He won’t hurt you.”

You nodded.

You leaned back on the pillows and looked around nervously. Then came a tap at the door. Your jaw dropped to see Steve Rogers. He smiled kindly at you.

“Hey there, Y/N,” he said. “I wanted to come introduce myself. I know this must be a huge shock for you.”

You nodded mutely. At that moment, Natasha returned with hands full of snacks and a couple sodas.

“Good timing, Steve,” she said. “I’ve filled her in on what happened but I’m about to go into Bucky’s backstory. You should stick around.”

He nodded, taking on a serious expression.

“I know seeing him on the roof must have been terrifying, but I promise we can explain why you’re still safe with him around.”

“He didn’t want me to see his face,” you said accusingly.

“No, he didn’t want to scare you.” Steve reached out and took your hand. “Bucky and I go way back…”

***

Steve ended up taking over the storytelling, his loyalty to the man with the metal arm clear as day. You were shocked to realize that the man on the roof was the same clean cut young man that once graced the pages of your history books right next to Captain America.

“He wasn’t dead?”

Steve shook his head sadly. “No, but he was in hell.”

Steve clasped his hands in front of him. “Listen, you are in no danger from him. He was the one who carried you out of that base. But he will do whatever it takes to make you comfortable here, even if that means staying as far away as possible. You don’t have to interact with him at all. It’s your call.”

You nodded. “Okay, but how long will I really be here? Can’t I leave with my family tonight?”

Natasha looked at Steve. “Yeah, I hadn’t gotten to that just yet.”

Steve gave you another smile, but you could tell something was coming. 

“So here’s the deal. We think you need to stay here for a bit, for your own safety. The media has not been alerted to your reappearance and your family has been asked to keep this under wraps. We don’t know why HYDRA took you yet. You aren’t the only one, but with the others, once we find their files, we assess whether it seems safe to return openly or take on a new identity. It depends on when they were taken, what their intended purpose was and who was involved at the time. You are the most recent case and it’s possible the people with an interest in you are still out there. It’s highly unlikely they want anything to do with you, but we need to be sure you’re safe out there.”

“But I thought HYDRA fell?”

“As a whole, yes, but there are still individuals and small factions. Listen, our goal is to get you home quickly, but for now, well, please let us keep you safe. Your family is being flown in privately and secretly, with that in mind.”

“Oh, wow.” You fell back against the pillows again.

“We’ll make your stay comfortable,” Steve said. “This building has it all, a movie theater, pool, you name it. You will have your own quarters. I’ll help with anything you need.”

You nodded. Then stiffened again. “Bucky lives here.”

Steve nodded. “He does. But we will put you on a different floor. I can assure you that if you don’t want to see him, he will make that happen.”

“I mean, I get that he was forced and I’m sorry for what happened to him, but I just remember him in my apartment and-”

“Hey, I understand,” Steve said. “And so does he. He’s truly sorry for his role in this, his choice or not, Y/N. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do to make things easier for you right now.”

You nodded with disbelief that you would be living in the Avengers Tower for the foreseeable future.


	3. Surprises

The family reunion was emotional to say the least. Your parents and your brother surrounded you tightly and didn’t let go for an hour. You skyped over Tony’s secure line with your grandparents as well. They spent a few days in the tower as guests, but eventually, it was recommended they return home and carry on as usual. The press was still unaware of your return.

The sadness when your family left was a little overwhelming. Tony set you up with secure phones so you could communicate, but all you wanted was to go home with them, despite your fairly luxurious accommodations.

You swam laps in the pool in the mornings and carried books by the armful from the library back to your room in the afternoons. You also devoured the news, catching up on major events over the last few years.

As you poured through news articles at the kitchen island, Steve walked in. 

“So I see world peace hasn’t been achieved since I disappeared.”

Steve chuckled. “I feel your pain.”

“Honestly, I always thought about how you must have felt waking up and now I feel like I kind of get it, and yet, I know that I still don’t get it at all,” you said. 

“It’s something else alright,” Steve nodded. “Welcome to our very tiny club.”

Your brows knit together at the vague Bucky reference. He had been as good as his word. Steered clear of you entirely over the last week and a half. You weren’t sure how you felt about that. A part of you was relieved, but another part of you felt terribly guilty after spending an entire night pouring through online details of his excruciating ordeal. You even watched a couple videos of his training and torture that had been dumped onto the Internet until you couldn’t stomach it. The truth was, you no longer blamed him at all. But that didn’t mean the thought of being face to face with him didn’t make your heart race with fear.

“Where’s the chocolate around here?” you asked, changing the subject. “I haven’t had a decent candy fix in years. I could go for some 3 Musketeers or Twix.”

“I’m not big on sugar myself, but we can certainly put that on the shopping list and get it to you pretty quickly,” Steve grinned. “Hear that, FRIDAY?”

“Yes, Captain Rogers.”

***

After an afternoon of reading in the library, you made your way back to your bedroom. A brown paper bag with handles was hanging from the knob. Inside were a bunch of your favorite candy bars and even a couple cans of Dr. Pepper, another item you had added to the list earlier. 

The groceries usually just got placed in the kitchen. Steve was quickly becoming your favorite person.

***

The next day found you at your usual island perch. Steve and Sam walked in, clearly fresh out of the gym. Or rather, not so fresh.

“There you are, popsicle princess!” Sam exclaimed. “What happened to you wanting me to train you?”

“I overslept,” you smirked.

“Mmmm hmmm. Nice healthy snack you have there.”

“Oh yeah, thanks, Steve,” you said, waving your half a candy bar at him.

“Don’t thank me. Thank FRIDAY and our lovely floor manager, Rita.”  
“Oh, I figured you were the one who put them on my door.”

“Whoa!” Sam yelped. “Since when is there room delivery?”

Steve shook his head. “Wasn’t me.”

“Hey FRIDAY!” Sam demanded. “Since when do you and Rita do room delivery and why didn’t you tell me? You know these a-holes always eat all my donuts before I get any.”

“There is no room delivery,” FRIDAY replied serenely. “Yesterday’s order will arrive today and will be placed in the kitchen as usual.”

“Wait, then where did Y/N’s bag come from?”

“I had nothing to do with that.”

“Then who did?” 

“I am not at liberty to say.”

“What!” Sam yelped. “Why?”

“I was instructed not to say.”

“Psshhh.” Sam shook his head.

“Well that’s weird,” you muttered. 

Steve shrugged. “No idea.”

Sam leaned over the counter toward you as you placed a bookmark in your book.

“What are you reading?”

“It’s this series called After the End. Two more came out while I was gone. It’s about people living in a post apocalyptic world, fighting for survival. It’s really good. The second to last one was in the library here, but I guess I’ll have to order the last one.”

“Meh. I like books that take my mind OFF fighting for survival,” Sam snorted.

***

You met with Tony later after FRIDAY summoned you.

“Hey, there,” he smiled.

You had expected Tony to be extremely intimidating when you first got here, but had quickly discovered you really liked him. He could be pretty ridiculous on the surface, but there was also something comforting about him.

“Listen, I know we’ve agreed to keep you in the tower for safety, but I’d still like to implant a tracker just to be safe. It enables you to communicate with FRIDAY from anywhere.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Quick pinch. Like an ear piercing. Goes right behind the ear, in fact. We all have them.”

“And you can take it out when everything is settled?”

“Absolutely.”

“Okay.”

“Owww. Okay that was a little more than a pinch, Tony.”

“Sorry,” he grinned. “So how are you settling in?”

“I mean, obviously I wish I was with my family, but all things considered, this place is pretty damn nice.”

Tony looked pleased. “Everyone being nice to you?” 

“Oh yeah. It’s pretty surreal, being surrounded by Avengers, but it’s kind of amazing how normal everyone is in this environment. Well, normalish.”

“And Frosty? How is that?”

You looked at him, confused.

“Bucky. How is that going?”

“Honestly, I haven’t seen him since the roof. I feel kind of bad. I read everything about him I could find and I don’t hate him or anything, but I’m still kind of afraid of him.”

“I can relate,” Tony mumbled as he put away some tools in a drawer. “Alright. Let me know if you need anything at all. Got it?”  
You nodded.

***

As you approached your room, you noticed another bag hanging from your doorknob. You picked it up and pulled out the contents.

It was the final book you needed in your series.


	4. Healing

A few days later as you flipped through the police reports on your own disappearance, you couldn’t help but laugh out loud, even though it wasn’t a funny situation at all. 

Your parents had struggled to get the authorities to take your disappearance seriously since you were an adult. Contained within your brother’s statement was his insistence that the full but opened bottle of shiraz and wine glass were proof that you had been kidnapped. “She’d never just leave a bottle of her favorite wine out to go bad. She loves it too much.”

“Well no wonder they didn’t try very hard to find me,” you snickered to yourself.

You glanced at the bottle of unopened wine on the counter in front of you. Your favorite shiraz. Another mysterious appearance at your door and everyone said it wasn’t them. You hadn’t even asked FRIDAY for it yet. You’d mentioned it to Wanda in conversation, but she swore she didn’t buy it.

There was literally one person left to ask. You summoned your courage and cleared your throat.

“FRIDAY, where is Bucky Barnes?”

“Sgt. Barnes is currently headed to his suite from a meeting in the conference room.”

You ignored the the churning of your stomach and stepped onto the elevator. When you arrived at Bucky’s floor, you almost changed your mind, but as soon as the doors opened you saw him, passing by, coming from the stairwell. 

He glanced at you and was so startled he sloshed his coffee over the rim. 

You stepped off and faced him. His mouth hung open silently until he finally, murmured, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t expect you to be on this floor.”

“No, it’s okay. You live here. I was actually looking for you.” The words rushed out, your hands clenched nervously at your sides.

He looked genuinely surprised.

“I, um, are you the one leaving things at my door?”

It was bizarre to watch how nervous the super soldier got at this question, as if he could actually be afraid of little old you.

He looked around and chewed his lip. “Did I upset you? I’m sorry. You weren’t supposed to know it was me.”

“No, it was really nice. Thank you.”

“I just thought any little thing I can do to make your stay better,” he said staring at the floor. He finally lifted his eyes and looked at you. “I wish that I could do more.”

You shook your head slowly as you truly took in his face for the first time. He was incredibly handsome, you realized. For the first time, you could see the face from your history book behind the long hair and scruff. 

“Listen, you can say no, but I’ve been thinking about something.”

“Anything you need,” he replied quickly.

I can call this off now. Thank him for the gifts and get out of here, you thought. No. No. I can do this. Bucky watched quietly as you waged an internal war.

“So I’ve read a lot about you and what HYDRA did to you.”

Bucky nodded silently.

“And I don’t blame you anymore.”

Bucky audibly sucked in a deep breath.

“But the memories are, well, still haunting me.”

Bucky looked so sad at that remark that you almost aborted the mission.

“You’re the one I see in my nightmares.”

Bucky’s eyes filled with devastation, but he still stood quietly, letting you finish.

“So I’m playing my own therapist and thought that maybe if I got to know you now, it might help. Make my association with you positive. I think talking to you can help me heal.”

Bucky’s mouth dropped in shock, but he quickly recovered, at least on the surface.

“I’d like that. You just tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”

“How about this evening? I’m gonna crack open that lovely bottle you got me to calm my nerves if you don’t mind.”

He chuckled. “Wish it would work on me like that, but yes. Kitchen at 8? It’s usually relatively quiet by then, but other people aren’t too far away.”

You appreciated his recognition that you weren’t ready to be secluded with him yet.

“See you then.”

***

“Your eyes are different.”

The first glass had loosened you up as you stared at Bucky across the table. Up until now the two of you had made awkward small talk. Bucky had been sharing stories about him and Steve as kids and you’ve returned some ridiculous stories from your youth, like the time you thought you were going to die as a child after tasting what you later discovered was leaked battery acid in your light-up dollhouse.

“What do you mean?”

“That night in my apartment, when you looked at me, it was like you were looking through me. Almost like I wasn’t really there. There’s so much emotion in them now.”

Bucky’s cheeks turned pink as he nodded. “I didn’t feel anything after they wiped me. The orders were all there were. The mission was everything.”

You were moving through your second glass a bit too quickly to calm your nerves. That’s probably why you abruptly reached out and touched the metal hand resting on the table. Bucky looked startled but didn’t pull away.

You ran your finger over the top before registering what you were doing. 

“Oh my god, Bucky. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind.”

You tentatively reached out and turned his hand over. “Can you feel me touching you?”

He nodded. “It’s more like a pressure sort of feeling, but yes.”

You inspected his hand and wrist, but the rest was covered by the sleeve of his hoodie.

“It’s really kind of amazing,” you said finally.

Bucky looked at you softly. “I used it to hurt you and I just wish I could take it back.”

“Bucky, I read pretty much everything on you I could find. I even watched some videos. Well, only a couple. They were too awful to watch. I’m not going to pretend I think I could have done better, that I could have fought them off when you couldn’t. Given time, for all I know, they would have had me doing the same terrible things. I forgive you.”

His blue eyes looked damp as he processed your words.

“Thank you, Y/N. You have no idea what that means to me. Really.”

You smiled at him shyly. “Please don’t feel like you have to stay hidden anymore. This is your home. I think tonight was a good step and I’ll be okay around you now...just don’t take it personally if I backslide a little. I’m going to do my best though.”

You stood slowly, waves of sleepiness hitting you.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Bucky.”

“See you tomorrow,” he replied, eyes following you as you exited the room.

***

The next morning you finally followed through on your plans to train with Sam. You had done well in self-defense and taekwondo before you disappeared and Sam thought you had a lot of potential.

And initially, you did quite well. Sam poured compliments on you for how quickly you were picking things up. However, about 30 minutes into the session, Bucky and Steve arrived to spar. The nervousness in the pit of your stomach at the sight of him faded away after you saw him smiling and slapping Steve on the back.

After a few surprise hits from Sam, you finally grabbed his arm and said, “I’m sorry but we have to stop. I can’t take my eyes off the sight of two super soldiers kicking the shit out of each other.”

He snorted and tossed you a towel. “Just keep in mind--I do all of THIS-” he paused to flex his arms. “Without any magic serum.”

“And you are a wonder. Don’t doubt it,” you teased.

Sam and you both settled against the wall to watch. You were mesmerized. The two didn’t hold back much, other than Bucky favored his flesh arm and tried to keep the metal one out of play as much as possible. The sheer force behind their hits was clear, and yet each soldier was so strong, they remained planted on the mat.

Steve’s fight style was a little more graceful, like a violent ballet. But Bucky was brutal, methodical and precise. His hair was pulled back in a low bun and his tight black t-shirt stretched across his chest and over his biceps. His gray sweatpants hung low on his hips. His eyes darted toward you a couple times and he gave you a nervous smile before his attention returned to Steve. You realized you were staring at Bucky.

Steve is wearing a white t-shirt and blue sweatpants. I am just as interested in his wardrobe as Bucky’s, you told yourself.

This was a different Bucky than the one who sat across from you, shy and nervous, in the kitchen last night. This one was sure of himself, confident, and deadly. And sexy. Wait, what?

Suddenly Steve swiped Bucky’s feet out from under him and Bucky landed hard on his back. You gasped and covered your mouth as Steve straddled him. Bucky turned his face to you and winked right before tossing Steve off and rolling over on top of him, holding him in place and taking the win.

You lowered your hands and laughed as the two popped up and shook hands.

Sam raised his eyebrow at you. “Interesting.”

“What?”

Sam winked at you with exaggeration. “Oh, nothing.”


	5. Making Progress

“Come in,” Tony called from inside his office. “Have a seat.”

Steve sat in the chair next to you and gave you a friendly smile.

“We wanted to update you on your situation,” Tony started.

You nodded anxiously.

Steve took over. “We tracked down all the files on you. They had code names for all their victims so that took some time to match the details. We know why they took you and who was involved.”

You clasped your hands tightly and nodded. Steve continued.

“We didn’t realize you had such a knack for languages.”

You looked at him, confused. “Um, yeah. I pick them up pretty easily for some reason. I speak five and it doesn’t take me long to pick up on basic conversational skills if I go somewhere new. I can’t solve equations, but language is definitely my strength.”

“You were also doing really well at your company. A real knack for international business and working with people all over the world.”

“Well, I mean I hadn’t had the chance to climb all that high, but yeah, I had good prospects.”

“Apparently, HYDRA agreed. They saw you as an investment in their ongoing plans to infiltrate governments and private business all over the world. They intended to brainwash you and insert you wherever they thought you could best serve their purpose. They saw you as a young woman who could quietly insert herself into the matters they saw fit, anywhere in the world.”

“Seriously? I mean, I’m not that special. Good at language, but lots of people can do what I do.” 

I guess you’re selling yourself short,” Tony interrupted. “They saw potential and they were taking people for all kinds of purposes, some violent, like what they did to Barnes, and some for the day-to-day infiltration, like you. They sought to fill particular demographics so they could stick people whereever whenever and you were one of them. Do you remember working with someone named Robert Arnett?”

You jerked upright, startled. “Yes, he was one of the people who decided to hire me.”

“He was also the one who flagged you as a potential recruit. Or rather, potential brainwashing victim. He did state in your file that he felt you would not join willingly, but that your natural abilities could be a great asset.”

“Jesus.”

“He’s dead by the way. Threw himself out a window rather than be arrested after HYDRA fell. Pretty much everyone who was involved with your case is either dead or serving a life sentence. We are looking for one more person of interest before we feel comfortable sending you home.”

“Who?”

“One of the doctors who was in charge of establishing protocol for your training as well others who were taken for similar purposes. We think it unlikely he is looking for you, but we want to be certain. He’s been on a most wanted list with SHIELD for some time and they are closing in. We think this can be resolved in a matter of weeks.”

“Wow. I’m- Wow. Thanks for the update. I’m speechless.”

“No way. You speak five languages. How can you be speechless?” Tony snorted.

“I can order a whiskey in nine languages and a beer in 14,” you smirked.

“When you say things like that, you make me want to put a stop to the investigation and keep you here forever,” Tony replied.

“너는 나를 다룰 수 없다,” you replied with a wink before walking out the door.

***

That night you struggled for sleep. You stared at the ceiling and ruminated over the information you had been given. Betrayed by the man who hired you. And all because you excelled at language and business? It was insane.

There was a sudden thump at your door, startling you from your thoughts. You opened the door to see Bucky, eyes wide and panic stricken.

He looked you up and down, then whispered, “you’re okay.” He turned away and covered his face muttering, “she’s okay. She’s okay.”

“Bucky, what happened? Are you okay?”

He turned around looking embarrassed and still a little confused.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean to wake you. This one was more real than the others. I had to make sure you were alright.” He turned to head back to the elevator, but glanced back at you a couple times as if still not certain that it was really you standing there.

“Wait! Bucky, I wan’t sleeping. Come back here.”

“You don’t have to-”

“Get in here now.”

When he reached the door, you grabbed his flesh arm and pulled him inside. You hesitated for a split second, but then closed the door behind him. Then you led him to the couch and sat next to him.

“Tell me what happened.”

“I have nightmares. They’re ugly. Really just...they’re so real, Y/N. And this one was...it’s never been so real. I could feel everything, too.”

“It was about me?”

He nodded.

“What happened?”

He looked at you brokenly. “I hurt you. They made me. I tried to fight them, but… God, it was so real.”

You surprised yourself by wrapping your arms around him. He leaned his head on your shoulder, then tentatively wrapped his arms around you, giving you time to pull back if the move was unwelcome.

“I just needed to see you. Know that it really was just a dream. Not a memory.”

“Definitely a dream, Bucky. I’m safe and sound right here with you.”

You were a little startled to realize how much you meant that. You actually did feel safe with Bucky.

“Hey, listen,” you said, pulling back slightly to look at his face. “I can’t sleep anyway so I’m going start a movie. Something funny. You’re welcome to stay and watch if you like.”

“Really? Yeah, that would be great.”

You opened Netflix and selected “What About Bob?”

“This okay? I love it.”

“Never seen it,” Bucky replied. “But that main guy, I’ve watched a few of his movies. He’s funny.”

“Bill Murray is awesome.” You grabbed some blankets off the bed for each of you and curled up on the couch next to Bucky. 

You weren’t sure when you nodded off, but when you woke, the sun was streaming in and you were tucked back into your bed. A sticky note was affixed to your bedside lamp. It simply said, “Thank you” with a smiley face on it.


	6. Realizations

Breakfast with Bucky became a part of the routine. Now that both of you were more comfortable with each other, he returned to using the main kitchen and you were often seated on opposite sides of the island. He’d tease you about how much sugar you put in your coffee and you’d tell him how much you hated having to get up earlier to beat him here so he wouldn't make the pot taste like tar. At first it was a coincidence, but you soon found yourself planning your mornings around him. You enjoyed hearing his stories about old school Brooklyn and Steve. Sometimes Steve would join you and turn beet red at Bucky’s tales, trying to return the favor of embarrassment, but Bucky didn’t seem to be easily shamed by his early days.

“Such a ladies man,” you laughed after Steve finished filling you in on Bucky’s favorite moves in the 1940s.

“Once upon a time,” he sighed, and clapped Steve on the back. “It’s all about this stud now. I have to go meet Nat at the range, but I will see you two later.”

Steve turned to you once he was certain Bucky was out of ear shot. “Thank you,” he said.

“For?”

“Being so open to getting to know Bucky. Giving him a chance despite his past. Recognizing that Bucky is Bucky and the Winter Soldier is a separate entity.”

You blushed. “He’s a good person. I miss my family, but I’m glad I got to know him and all of the rest of you here.”

Steve smiled and rested his hand on your shoulder. “We’re glad we got to know you, too.”

***

You tried to read but couldn’t focus at all. Bucky had invaded your brain and you couldn’t shake him off. As you sat in the chair looking out at they city skyline, you finally admitted to yourself that you were incredibly attracted to him. But it just felt weird given the circumstances of how you had met. You weren’t sure how to process these feelings towards a man who’d onced drugged and kidnapped you, even if it wasn’t within his control.

You leaned your head back and began to drift off. You felt slightly under the weather again, a feeling that had been coming and going over the last couple weeks for increasing periods of time. Eventually, you picked yourself up and headed to your room and your own cozy bed.

The nausea hit just outside your room. Your vision went blurry and your limbs felt like they were burning. Using the wall for support, you made it to the toilet just in time, vomiting violently. Then you crawled into your bed and didn’t wake until Bucky knocked on your door the next morning.

Your eyes stung as you opened them, but you still didn’t feel as bad as you had the night before. 

“FRIDAY, please let Bucky in,” you said weakly.

The door swung open and he took slow steps into the living area until he could see you through the bedroom door.

“Hey Y/N,” he said softly. “Steve and I missed you this morning. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I think I have the flu or something,” you groaned. “I feel like shit.”

“Can I come in?”

“Of course.”

Bucky came and stood by the bed, then placed his hand on your forehead. “Hmmm, a little warm, but nothing crazy,” he said. “Do you want to go to the med bay?”

“Oh no, I’ll be fine. I’m already better than last night.”

“I’ll be right back,” Bucky said.

He returned shortly with Ibuprofen, bottles of water, ginger ale and some juice, in addition to some Saltine crackers. He set the supplies on your bedside table and you smiled at him, albeit weakly.

“Thank you, Bucky. That’s really sweet of you.”

“No problem. Is it okay if I check on you later?”

You smiled and nodded as he backed out of the room. You heard him as he exited your suite.  
“FRIDAY, let me know immediately if she takes a turn for the worse.”

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes.”

***

The scene in the room was confusing. You were surrounded by men and women in lab coats, but all of them had metal arms. One stuck a large hypodermic needle in your neck and as the liquid entered your body, it burned like nothing you’d ever experienced. The searing feeling began to spread all over your body and you screamed, trying to fight your way off the table. 

Why were you so hot? You could barely think straight. It was as if you blood had been replaced by sand. 

“Prep her for cryo,” said one of the doctors.

You began to buck and fight, kick and throw punches.

“Stop, Y/N. You’re okay. I’ve got you,” you looked into the face of the Winter Soldier. You grabbed at his mask and tried to rip it off. You closed your eyes and fought blindly. When you opened them again it was Bucky looking at you, looking panicked. His arms were under you...wait, he was carrying you.

“Bucky, it’s not you. It was the soldier. Please don’t put me in the chamber,” you whimpered.

“Oh, sweetheart. There’s no chamber, I promise. I’m taking you to the medical wing. Your fever skyrocketed and you were having a nightmare.”

“Don’t let them freeze me,” you sobbed.

“Never, Y/N. I would never let anyone hurt you. We just need to get your fever down.”

He shifted you in his arms to rest higher against his chest. The panic began to subside, but not the fever-induced delirium.

“У тебя мягкие волосы,” you said, reaching up and pulling on a lock of his hair. Bucky looked startled then chuckled. 

“Steve mentioned you were a linguist. Thank you, it’s not as soft as yours though.”

You ran your hand over his stubbly cheek, but were too out of it to pick up on the hitch in his breath at the action.

“вы прекрасны,” you told him before fading back into unconsciousness, missing the kiss he pressed to the top of your head before placing you on the ER bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations.
> 
> Your hair is soft.
> 
> You are beautiful.
> 
> Short chapter today. I'll make it up to you ;)


	7. Getting Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay but I started You on Netflix this weekend. Then I kept going until I was done. Two thumbs up for Penn Badgley.

You came to in a hospital room in the tower’s medical wing. Once again you were attached to monitors with an IV dripping in your arm. A brown head was lying forehead down on the mattress near your arm, a large hand resting over the top of yours, soft snores muffled by the crisp, white sheets.

It took you a few minutes to get your bearings and become fully wake, but in the meantime you stayed still, not wanting to wake the man who’d fallen asleep in a chair next to you. Your heart fluttered a little at the sight and feel of his warm hand. So worried because you have the flu?!

Eventually you slowly pulled your hand out of his and stroked his hair. He immediately shot up.

“Hey,” he said in a gravelly voice. “You’re awake.”

“So are you,” you smiled weakly.

“How are you feeling?”

“Not great, but clearly I’ve been worse. What the hell strain of the flu is this?”

A strange look crossed Bucky’s face, immediately making you suspicious.

“I’m going to go tell Banner you’re awake. I’ll be right back, okay?”

You nodded. 

Bruce must have been nearby because he and Bucky returned almost immediately.

“I thought you were more the research kind of doc,” you joked. “LIttle old me is keeping you from more important things.”

Bruce smiled, but you could sense the worry.

“It’s not the flu. We’re picking up on something foreign in your system, something that has been building up since you came out of cryo,” Bruce sighed. “We think it’s some sort of failsafe they put in to keep you under control.”

“How would I have been any good to them sick?”

“My suspicion is that you require an antidote of some sort. Something ongoing that they would have had to give you continuously. It would have given them power over you should your brainwashing have failed under any circumstance. There is mention in the files that they were working on something like this shortly before you were taken, but no files on implementing it. You may have been the test subject.”

“No one else you recovered had this?”

“No, but you were taken later than anyone else we found.”

“No file means you don’t know how to stop it,” you whispered with growing horror. Numbly, you felt Bucky squeeze your hand.

“We will,” Bucky said. “We went to SHIELD with this. Turns out Fury has known where the doctor is all this time, but they were watching him, letting him lead them to other missing HYDRA operatives. That shit is done. Stark, Steve, everyone is in the conference room as we speak, making plans to go get him. We will bring him back here and he’s going to fix this.”

“What if he won’t?” you said, holding back tears.

Bucky looked into your eyes, a deadly, far away look in them. “He will,” he stated. “I’m going to make him.”

***

The team took Dr. Jameson Rowe with relative ease. He had been living under a pseudonym in a small town outside Munich for several years. While the Avengers focused on bringing him in alive, SHIELD operatives staged simultaneous attacks to retrieve the people they had observed dealing with him. Of the nine people they attempted to take into custody, one died guns blazing, filled with bullets and another, in the words of Fury, “pulled that High School Musical, Romeo & Juliet, cut off one head, can’t get laid bullshit” with a cyanide pill.

Rowe sat cuffed to the desk in an interrogation room in the tower, refusing to speak to either Tony or Steve.

“Maybe we should just save the energy,” Nat said. “Wanda will be back from her mission in the morning. She can go in and drag it out.”

“In the meantime,” Bucky said. “Why don’t I give it a shot?”

Tony narrowed his eyes at him. “Wanda can’t pick his brain if you smash it in first.”

“I won’t touch him.”

Steve shrugged, “Why not? But seriously, Bucky, hands off.”

Bucky slowly pushed the door open and stepped inside, still dressed in his mission gear. Dr. Rowe initially only awarded him a split-second glance, but the stiffening of his body followed almost instantly and he looked back with a flash of horror, his eyes darting toward the two-way mirror.

“Where did you come from? How did you get in here? I haven’t talked! Did they send you to kill me? I haven’t talked and I won’t!”

Bucky hid the smirk at this turn of events. Though his new role in the Avengers wasn’t public yet, it hadn’t occurred to him that Rowe would assume he’d been retaken by HYDRA.

He fixed his glare into it’s old stony emptiness. “I’m here to tell you to talk. It’s in HYDRA’s best interest to keep her alive. Your job is to save her if you want me to let you live.”

“I will save her, please just don’t hurt me. Can you get me out of here after?”

Bucky glared at him and put his metal hand on his throat squeezing just enough to narrow the airway, but not cut it off.

“Your mission, Doctor, is to save the girl. Nothing else matters at this juncture.” Bucky slowly began to lift him out of his chair. “Tell them everything they need to know.”

The doctor kicked and gasped,” I will. I will!”

Bucky set him back in his seat. “I’ll be watching.” Then he stepped up on the table and pulled himself up through the ceiling tiles and disappeared from sight.

***

When Bucky dropped back into the observation room, Tony was waiting with a glare and crossed arms. “The ceiling? Really? And you weren’t supposed to touch him!”

Natasha stood in a corner stifling laughter and even Steve was hiding a grin. 

“What? It worked didn’t it?” Bucky smirked. “I’m going to check on Y/N now. Someone get in there and get the info.”

Bucky’s footsteps faded down the hall and Tony turned his glare to Steve.

“I mean, overall, I think he showed remarkable restraint.”

Tony replied with a dirty look.

***

“We got him, Y/N,” Bucky said sitting in the chair by your bedside again. “He’s telling us how to fix this as we speak.”

You reached out and grabbed his hand, clasping it in both of yours. “Thank you, Bucky.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I’m making sure this gets fixed no matter what it takes.”

You smiled and squeezed his hand.

“How are you feeling?”

“Meh,” you replied. “Bruce has been trying a few things to lessen the effects. It’s not really slowing the process down, but I feel a little less like I got hit by a truck.”

“Can I do anything, get you anything?”

“No, I’m good, but-”

Bucky raised his eyebrow when you hesitated.

You blushed. “Will you stay with me. Help me keep my mind off things?”

“Sure. Of course.”

You began to scoot your body over.

“Whoa. What are you doing?”

“Get up here with me. Please?”

Bucky’s look of surprise turned pleased. “Absolutely. But first I’m gonna hop in the shower on this floor and throw on some clean scrubs. I’m not putting this nasty gear all over your bed.”

You grinned. “Hurry up.”

Bucky’s hair was still wet when he climbed into the bed with light blue scrub pants and a white t-shirt from the supply closet. He tried to give you a polite buffer, as much as was possible in the tiny bed with a super soldier, but you simply scooted closer, leaning into his side. He wrapped his arm around you and pulled the blanket up.

“I’m glad you’re here,” you murmured.

“Me, too.”


	8. Bucky

Bucky’s POV

I held myself utterly still as she slept, nestled against my chest. Were it not for the garbage coursing through her body, slowly killing her, these would have been the best moments of my life.

I had no right to have these feelings for her, I knew that. And sometimes I almost dared to think she returned them. I wonder if I would have been good enough for her before? That distant, fuzzy version of me that swept women off their feet effortlessly? The one I almost forget ever existed at all. 

I shouldn’t want more when she’s already given me more than I deserve. She forgave me for taking her from her life. That had to be enough, the rest needed to be driven down in my mind, pushed away. I should just focus on this moment, lying here with her, her arm thrown over my stomach and my hand on her back.

Y/N stirred awake and lifted her chin, meeting my eyes.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

She reached across me slowly so as not to jerk her IV and pushed the button on the handrail, lowering us until we were completely flat. She adjusted her body upward until we were face to face.

“Hi, again,” she smiled.

“Hi,” I whispered.

The hand with the IV slowly moved up to stroke my cheek. Waves of exhilaration coursed through my body and all I could do was close my eyes in near ecstasy.

“Bucky?” she whispered.

I opened my eyes and looked into her sweet face. My hand rubbed her back in circles.

“Yes?” I whispered back.

“Did you sleep at all?”

“A little.”

“You were watching me weren’t you?”

I nodded.

Her hand moved from my cheek into my hair and I gave silent thanks for the amount of slack in the in the line. She leaned in closer.

“Bucky?” she whispered again.

“Yes?” I replied, heart hammering out of my chest.

Her lips pressed softly against mine. My entire body felt like it was on fire as I kissed her back. She tugged gently on my lower lip and giggled. My arm tightened around her as I kissed her harder, her mouth opening to let me explore. 

We stopped when we were both breathless.

“Am I dreaming this?” I asked, pushing some hair behind her ear. 

“You better not be. That was the best kiss I’ve ever experienced and if this is your dream, I won’t even get to remember it.”

She leaned in again and our lips met more fervently than before. Her hand slid down my back until she gave a little gasp, having jerked the IV in a painful manner. I quickly rolled her onto her back so it wouldn’t come out. I pushed myself up onto my elbow and looked down at her.

“I don’t deserve this.”

“Why don’t you let me decide that?” She reached up and pulled me down by my shirt for yet another kiss. Her tongue softly licked at my lips and into my mouth. This must be what Heaven feels like, I thought. Weeks of pent up emotions washed over me. 

After the kiss, she snuggled back into me and I welcomed her warm body against mine. 

“You’re good you know,” Y/N said in a drowsy voice as she drifted off again. “Whether you believe it or not.”

I kissed the top of her head and wound my body around her protectively.

*** 

The sound of the door flinging open the next morning woke us both. Steve’s brows raised at the sight of the two of us entangled in front of him. I wasn’t sure if I should move away, but as Y/N shifted to look at Steve, she didn’t loosen her arms around me.

Steve reddened a bit. “Hey, sorry, I just wanted to see how you were doing this morning.”

“Nothing to be sorry about,” Y/N said with a smile, though her voice sounded strange. “Bucky is keeping me warm on this freezing floor.”

“Banner and a team of scientist have been up all night working on the antidote. They think they are getting close. Dr. Rowe was exceptionally helpful. Almost like he was, oh I don’t know, on a mission, Bucky?”

I chuckled, “Damn right, Steve.”

“I suspect you guys were very good at motivating him,” Y/N said, her voice sounding faint.

“Are you okay?” I asked, starting to become concerned.

“It’s okay. It just comes in waves. I feel better for a bit. Then worse. This morning is not so hot.”

I stroked her hair gently. “We’ll get Banner to give you something to tide you over until the antidote is ready.

“I’ll do it,” Steve volunteered. “You stay here, Buck.” He winked at him as he shut the door.

“I’m sorry. I wish I could do more.”

“You are doing plenty. I just want to feel better so I can kiss you again.”

Immense relief washed over me. I’d been so afraid she’d regret last night.

“I want that, too.”

***

The first shot was ready by evening. According to Rowe’s information, she should be back to normal within a day. It was still a nerve wracking wait considering he had confirmed she was indeed the first test subject.

However, Dr. Rowe’s theories proved correct. Within a few hours we were still lying in the bed, but having a lively discussion about her language skills.

“So Tony mentioned you speak Korean, and I know you speak Russian…”

“How did you know that?”

“When you were delirious you said a few things-”

“Nothing weird, I hope.”

“No weirder than the stuff you usually say in English.”

Y/N responded with a playful slap and I felt my heart soar again.

“So what else do you speak?”

“Well those two are my biggest brags, but I also speak Spanish, Portuguese, and Italian. Those all kind of flowed into one another. Learning new alphabets was a different story. I was working on German when- Well, you know.”

I nodded and traced my finger along her cheek. She leaned over and gave me a soft peck on the lips. My hand moved to her hip, but I jerked it back when the door opened.

“Hey Bruce,” Y/N said. “I’m feeling much better.”

“Good. Good. Your latest labs looks great too. So we need to talk about the plan moving forward.”

“There’s more?”

“Unfortunately, yes. You’re doing great and everything is going to plan-”

“But?”

“Rowe designed this as something that would need ongoing treatment. It isn’t a cure, just a management plan.”

“You mean this will happen again!?” She sat up quickly and I sat up as well, keeping my arm around her.

“We aren’t going to let you get sick again, but you will need to keep taking the shots every three months to keep it dormant. We are working on a permanent cure, I promise you. But for now, we will need you to return here for maintenance every three months.”

“Return every three months?”

“That’s the other news,” Bruce smiled. “You’ve been cleared to go home to your family.”

At those words my joy at her recovery suddenly became my heart splitting in two and grief silently washed over me.

She turned to me. “They're letting me go home!” She looked equal parts shocked and happy.

“That’s amazing news,” I replied and hugged her to me, burying my face in her neck and squeezing my eyes shut to the tears that wanted to escape.


	9. Long Distance Woes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we go ;)

3.5 months later

You drummed your fingers restlessly on the kitchen counter, feeling glum. 

“Cheer up,” your mom said. “You’ve been so depressed since your trip to New York. Do you feel okay? The shot is working right?”

“My health is fine, mom. I’m just really disappointed I didn’t get to see Bucky.”

“I’m sure he was disappointed to be called on a last-minute mission, too. You’ll get another chance to see him.”

You knew he was disappointed. You’d been able to hear it in his voice when he called to give you the news two days before he had promised to be the one to personally pick you up at the airport. Ever since you’d left the tower, despite attending regular therapy, reinserting yourself in the lives of friends and family and making plans to reenter the workforce, Bucky was rarely far from your mind. 

You picked up your phone and reread his text message from the night before.

“Night, doll. I’m glad your get together with your college friends went well. BTW, Steve ratted you out. I know you ate all the marshmallows out of my cereal when you were here.”

Your heart twisted every time you thought about the last time you’d seen him. When he hugged and kissed you goodbye, trying to hide the pain he felt at letting you go. It hurt you too, but you’d been gone from your family too long. Your entire family needed to heal.

When you looked up, your mom was staring at you thoughtfully.

“You should invite him here,” she said.

Your mouth dropped in surprise. “Really?” You were taken aback. Your family had been a bit wary of the relationship you’d formed given his former role in HYDRA, even though they understood it wasn’t his choice. You had decided they did not ever need to know that Bucky had been the one to physically take you. They would never forgive that, no matter the circumstances.

“You seem to care about him a lot and I know he did a lot for you in New York. Your dad and I realize his time with HYDRA was not his choice, but maybe getting to know him would help us move on, too.”

You threw your arms around her. “Thanks, mom!”

You curled up on your couch and began to text:

Y/N: Heeeeyyyyyy Bucky

B: Heeeeyyyyy Doll

Y/N: Question for you. Any chance I can interest you in a visit down south to see little old me in Georgia? 🍑

B: Seriously? Of course. I’d love to see you!

Y/N: Think the team can spare you?

B: I’ve been told I’m so mopey since I missed your visit that they’d probably pack for me and Tony would personally drop me on your roof in his suit. 

Y/N: I’m so happy! 😊😘 Ok, you let me know what dates work. I’m open.

B: Where should I book a room?

Y/N: You can stay with us.

B: …  
…  
…

Y/N: ?

B: Don’t they...know?

Y/N: No. I didn’t think they needed to know that. I hope that’s ok. 

B: Whatever you think is right. I just want to see you.

Y/N: Then get your ass down here.

B: God, yes

***

You had expected to pick him up at the Atlanta airport, but instead found yourself in a field meeting a quinjet. It turned out Bucky’s arm drew too much attention at security to make commercial air travel a viable option.

Bucky rushed down walkway and lifted you in his arms, as you wrapped yours around his neck. He held you to him tightly and you kissed his forehead.

“Hey, what am I, chopped liver?” Steve said, walking up behind Bucky with a broad smile.

Bucky released you and gave you a toothy grin. You turned and gave Steve a meaningful, but far less dramatic hug. 

“I’ll take it, I guess,’ he laughed.

“It’s good to see you, Steve. I hated missing you guys when I was up there.”

“That mission was miserable. Bucky was a royal pain in the ass over missing your visit, so when this opportunity came up I volunteered to drop him off personally. Then again, every one else did too because he’s driving us insane-”

“Bye, punk!” Bucky interrupted.

Steve laughed out loud. “Okay okay. I’ll see you in a few days, jerk. You two have fun!”

Steve got back on the jet as you led Bucky to your car and drove him to your parents’ home in a small town in the foothills of the North Georgia mountains.

It was hard to concentrate on the road with him next to you, especially when he reached over and stroked your cheek. You abruptly pulled over onto a quiet side road and turned to him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

You unbuckled your seat belt and climbed over the console onto his lap, placed your hands on each side of his head and pressed your lips to his. His response was immediate, grabbing your hips and pulling you against him, tongues frantic, both panting for breath.

When you were desperate for air, you pulled back. “I missed you so fucking much.”

“God, I missed you too.”

After a few more kisses, you climbed back over the console and restarted the car. Bucky leaned his head back and muttered, “wow.”

“Yep,” you agreed.

***

Dinner with the parents was much less awkward than expected. Once they met Bucky and saw his genuine smile and he dropped some 40s manners on them, it was easy for them to forget old news images of the Winter Soldier.

Your brother, at one point, decided to bring up your abduction, and you shut that down immediately, hoping to prevent Bucky from ever having to outright lie to your parents as you had. After an evening getting to know each other, you felt really good about the dynamics with everyone.

“Oh, Bucky,” your mom suddenly said. “We haven’t shown you where you are staying.”

She hopped up and grabbed his duffel bag, which he quickly took from her. 

“We have a really lovely guest apartment in the basement. You even have a partial kitchen and bathroom to yourself.”

“Thank you so much. You are all very kind to put me up in your home.”

“Happy to do it. We will leave you to get comfortable since it’s late. I know Y/N has lots of plans for you guys while you’re here.”

“I can’t wait,” he said directing a huge smile at you, which you returned. 

“See you tomorrow, Buck,” you said.

“Night, doll.”

***

Bucky’s POV

Alone in the guest room, I took a deep breath feeling good about how things had gone. My elation at being near Y/N again was unlikely to let me sleep anytime soon so I organized my belongings and then stripped and hopped in the shower. My mind wandered back to the kiss in the car and the feel of Y/N writhing in my lap. My right hand slowly slid down my abs and I wrapped it around my cock thinking about her.

You haven’t even been here a day and you’re already jerking it in the shower, I thought to myself. The sound of footsteps moving above me caused me to abandon my plans. The last thing I needed was them hearing me moaning their daughter’s name in the bathroom. 

I pulled on some sweatpants and climbed into bed. The sheets were soft and the comforter cozy. I closed my eyes and wondered if Y/N was asleep already.

The answer came a moment later, when there was a light tap at the door. The door opened slowly and I could only slightly make her face out in the dark.

“You asleep?” she whispered.

“Not even close.”

She moved closer and sat on the edge of the bed, wrapped in pretty pink, but thin silk robe.

“Whatcha doing?” she asked coyly.

“Thinking about you.”

“What were you thinking?”

“If your parents heard me answer that honestly, they’d kick me out of their house.”

She stood up and my stomach clenched, thinking I’d upset her. Instead, she unknotted the tie on her robe and let it slide to the floor.

My breath caught. “Y/N,” I whispered.

She climbed into the bed with me and pressed her breasts to my chest, our lips meeting in our most erotic kiss yet. Then she pulled back and inspected my face and chest. I fought the urge to place my hand over the scarring on my left shoulder, but then she licked her lips and said, “God, you are the most beautiful man I have ever seen, Bucky. I can barely take my eyes off you.”

I sat up abruptly and pulled her to me, my hand running up and down her back as I pressed kisses all over her face. Then I rolled her under me and continued my assault over breasts and stomach. Her skin was so soft and she smelled sweet and soapy. 

“Bucky,” she groaned.

I swept my tongue over her right hip bone, then threw her legs over my shoulders. I began licking up the insides of her thighs as she moaned softly above me. When I reached her center I hesitated for just a moment, enjoying her expectant trembling. I felt her fingers slip into my hair and I couldn’t wait anymore, slipping my tongue into her most sensitive areas. My pride swelled when she yelped my name and she jerked off the bed.

I looked up at her and smiled as she clapped her hand over her mouth. But I could see the smile in her eyes. 

I alternated sweeping my tongue between her folds and placing little kitten licks to her clit. Hearing her murmur my name in ecstasy, I felt like I could do this to her every day, all day for the rest of her life. I also gave silent thanks to the Internet. The 1940s were a far more conservative time and this particular activity was not quite so common as now. Feeling how she reacted to my touch, I thought what a shame that was.

“Bucky, I’m gonna come...oh uh uhh-” She abruptly yanked a pillow over her face as her bottom half continued to buck against my tongue. I didn’t stop until she stilled.

“Bucky, oh my God, that was…” She closed her eyes rather than finish her sentence.

While she recovered I circled her nipples with my index finger until she abruptly pushed me to my back and began to slide my sweatpants over my hips.

“There’s nothing under here,” she smirked at me. I grinned broadly at her, wondering if I would ever have another night as amazing as this one with this spectacular gorgeous woman looking at me like I hung the moon. 

I was pretty sure I’d never been this hard before until she started kissing along my v-line. It was practically painful at that point, but I wasn’t going to rush her. I was going to relish in every second that this woman was willing to give me, touch me, care for me. 

When she took me into her mouth, there was a ripping sound as the bottom sheet tore under my grip. She giggled and then began to bob her head up and down, my teeth gritted against calling out. I gathered her hair into a ponytail so I could watch and focused on not coming yet, despite the most pleasurable sensations I could ever remember experiencing. When her tongue pressed against the underside of my cock, I knew I wouldn’t last much longer.

“Baby, I’m gonna finish,” I told her as warning. I thought she’d stop, but she only sped up, and then my vision nearly went black as I experienced the most intense orgasm of my life.

She smiled and wiped her chin with the back of her hand as she crawled back up my body and lay on my chest. 

“You’re a super soldier. How can you be out of breath?”

“That was unbelievable. I’ve never had...wow.”

“Best one ever? I’m honored.”

“The only one.”

Her head flew up and she eyed me suspiciously. “I think you forget how much Steve told me about you.”

“Hey, it was the the 1940s. I’m not saying no one did that, just that it was much harder to come by,” I chuckled. 

Her jaw dropped. “Are you seriously telling me, no one has ever done that to you before?!”

“Nope. I felt like an asshole trying to talk girls into it when I could tell they didn’t really want to. Felt too creepy.”

“What about what you just did to me?”

“I promise to keep practicing until perfect.”

“Are you telling me you never did that before?! That was incredible! You don’t need practice! Wait, what the hell am I saying. Yes, you do. Three times per day. Every day.”

I laughed and rolled her so we were facing each other side by side on the pillow, my arms holding her against me and throwing my leg over her protectively.

“I will do anything for you. I mean it.”

She tucked her face into my neck and I inhaled the scent of her hair. I knew I never wanted to let her go, and I pushed the nagging voice, reminding me I was only here for a few days, to the back of my mind.


	10. Early Morning Hours

You woke in the dark, early morning hours. Bucky was wrapped around you, gently snoring. You ran your hands over his muscular back, fingers gently caressing the scar tissue near his shoulder. 

“Mmmmm,” he murmured.

“You should wake up,” you whispered.

“Oh?” he said, his lips curling up, but eyes remaining closed. “Why is that?”

Your hand slid from his back to his front and you slowly traced it down his chest, then abs, ever lower until he groaned and his eyes popped open.

“You make me feel so good, baby.”

You brushed your thumb over the tip of his cock as you wrapped your hand around him and pumped him a couple times. He grasped your thigh and hoisted your leg over his hip, facing you on his side. The kissing was needy and frantic as his flesh fingers slipped between your legs.

“You don’t know what it does to me when you make those sounds,” he whispered in your ear, his breath tickling.

You pressed yourself against his cock invitingly and he slid between your folds, stimulating your clit.

“Please,” you whispered, digging your fingers into his shoulder.

“Do you have-”

“We’re good.”

As he entered you, you had to bury your face under his chin so you wouldn’t call out and wake the house.

It did not take long to realize that Bucky fucks like he fights - with confidence, strength and precision. He took charge immediately, rolling you under him and thrusting his hips in a way that had you biting his shoulder. You wrapped your arms and legs around him and just went along for the ride.

“I can’t wait to do this to you somewhere where I can make you scream,” he murmured in your ear.

All you could do was moan and tug at his hair until he pulled out and stood by the side of the bed, grabbing you by the ankles and pulling you toward him. He placed your feet on his shoulders and looked down at you lustfully. You were mesmerized by the sight of his abs clenching as he began to thrust first quickly, then slowly pulling out all the way and then easing back in. His metal index finger began to circle your clit and your back arched off the bed as he filled you in a way you had never experienced, the cool metal titillating your most sensitive spot. 

He pulled out one last time giving you a sultry look, biting his lip before he said. “Get on your hands and knees.”

His authoritative voice had you scrambling with excitement. His domination had to be the sexiest thing you’d ever experienced. He grabbed your hips as you thrust backward onto him letting out quiet gasps of pleasure.

“I knew you would feel amazing,” he grunted, “ but this is so far beyond anything I ever imagined. So fucking sexy. My gorgeous girl.”

His pronouncement that you were his girl is what sent you over the edge, crying out his name. Your forearms collapsed and your head lay on the mattress, limp after the intense orgasm. You felt Bucky pull you up and he clutched you to him, one arm across your stomach and the other across your breasts. You could feel his warm breath against the back of your neck as you leaned your head back against his shoulder. The hand at your breasts moved up to gently cup your face and turn your head so that your lips could meet.

“I want to see your beautiful face while I finish,” he whispered, then maneuvered you onto your back on the bed. Bucky crawled over you spreading your legs with his knees, as you reached up to stroke his cheek with your fingers. He paused for a moment just giving you a sweet smile, one you returned. Your hands moved to his biceps and you pulled him down on top of you.

“Oh, fuck, baby,” he moaned as he began to thrust again, looking into your eyes. “So wet for me.”

“I want you to come, Bucky. I want to feel you.”

He entwined his fingers with yours, holding your hands on each side of your face as buried his face in your neck, moaning your name during his release. 

You savored the weight of his body on top of you as he caught his breath, so much so that you whimpered when he pulled out and rolled next to you. He responded by pulling you closer and engulfing you with his arms. 

“But you did that in the 40s, right?”

His chest rumbled with suppressed laughter. “I never did it with anyone as perfect and amazing as you.”

You pushed some hair out of his face and he looked at you with an intensity you couldn’t quite describe.

“I’ll be right back,” he finally said.

You admired his ass as he walked into the kitchenette and grabbed a couple waters and gave a low whistle when he walked back toward you. He winked before popping into the bathroom where you heard water running in the sink. When he returned, he set the bottles on the night table and crawled over you with a warm washcloth to clean the mess he’d left on you. As he wiped himself from your inner thighs, he gave you a possessive look that made your heart leap.

When he finally climbed between the sheets again, you snuggled into him and he stroked his fingers up and down your back quietly. You chanced a glance up at him and were caught off guard to see a distinctly sad look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” you said, panicking, convinced he was regretting what the two of you had just done together.

“Oh nothing is wrong, baby. I just-” He trailed off.

“Are you sorry that we-”

“Oh no! God, no! You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I just…” He sighed. “I just don’t want to be away from you again.”

You rested your chin on your hand that was lying on his chest and looked at him. “We’ll figure something out, Bucky. I promise.”

***

Despite your adult status, you found yourself sneaking back to your room before your parents woke up. Bucky snickered at you while you stood at the door listening for the sound of movement in the house.

When you finally came back downstairs to the kitchen, he was sitting at the table drinking coffee and chatting with your dad about World War II. Even though you’d just seen him less than two hours before, the sight of him sitting there, looking all domestic made your heart skip a beat. He turned and smiled at you. 

“Good morning, Y/N.”

“There’s the lazy bones!” Your dad joked. “This is way early for her, Bucky. Don’t fall for it.”

“What, Dad? I thought we were reliving my teen years here. Some good old-fashioned nostalgia.”

“Wasn’t a five-year nap enough?”

Your mom smacked your dad on the back of his head. “That’s not funny!”

Bucky looked bewildered, but you burst out laughing.

“Welcome to my twisted family, Bucky. We joke about awkward shit.”

“Language!” your mom chastised, giving you a playful swat on the bottom with a spatula.

“So what are your plans today?” your dad asked.

“I thought I’d take Bucky on a hike if he was interested.”

“Sounds perfect, doll.”

Bucky stood and joined you by the coffee maker for a second cup.

“Did you sleep okay last night, Bucky?” your mom asked.

You looked up at him and stifled a laugh at the reddening of his cheeks.

He cleared his throat and kept his back to your mom. “I did, ma’am. Thank you.”

“Oh good good. That’s a brand new mattress. We had a terrible time agreeing on which one to buy.”

Bucky’s face was completely scarlet and he was stirring his coffee awkwardly even though he drinks it black.

You leaned in front of him to grab the sugar. “Don’t worry. They don’t know you had their beloved and only daughter in every filthy position known to man last night.” You murmured in his ear.

“Oh Jesus,’ he stuttered, slopping coffee over the rim. 

“Okay!” you announced loudly, turning around. “Who’s ready to eat?”


	11. Day Hike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some fluff and mild smut for ya. I'll dial up the angst again in the next chapter.

Bucky slung the backpack over his shoulder and took your hand as the two of you approached the start of the trail that led to White Creek Falls.

“It’s quiet since it’s a weekday. There are usually a lot more people on weekends,” you said.

“Good. I want you all to myself.”

You smiled up at him and blushed, which, considering your activities the night before, seemed rather absurd. 

You remembered the hike as being in the moderate range of difficulty, but at two miles in, you realized you were struggling more than before with the steeper parts that required making your way through some rocky crevasses. Then you hit a portion that had apparently suffered recent storm damage, with a large tree trunk having fallen in the path and a couple of boulders had come loose and required excess maneuvering.

You sighed and glanced back at Bucky who had barely broken a sweat. He gave you a huge grin.

“I’m sorry, Bucky. I used to do this trail with no problem. I didn’t realize how out of shape I was.”

“Baby, five years in cryo takes time to fully recover, especially given you aren’t enhanced. You are doing great.”

“This part is a mess, but I can get through it.”

“You sure? Don’t push yourself too hard. I’m just happy being with you. I don’t care where we are.”

You hoisted yourself up over the trunk, Bucky’s hands lightly on your hips in case you needed help. Once you were both over the trunk, he went first through the rocks so he could turn around and assist you.

“Well this is embarrassing,” you snorted. “You aren’t even breathing hard.”

Bucky took your face between his large hands and pressed his lips to yours. You wrapped your arms around his neck, gently tugging at his lower lip. When he pulled away, he pulled off the pack and crouched down.

“Hop on. Take a rest.”

“Bucky, no! I’m not going to make you carry me!”  
“Baby, you forget, I’m a super soldier. Carrying you is a piece of cake. With the added bonus of having your body pressed up against mine. Now hop on.”

“You perv,” you giggled, but did as he asked. His arms looped under your legs and you wrapped your arms loosely around his neck. The backpack dangled from his metal forearm. He completed the rest of the trail effortlessly and in half the time, earning impressed glances from a couple hikers already making the return journey.

“Well, I’m half shamed, half totally turned on,” you said as he set you down gently. 

“I’m just turned on,” he quipped.

There was only one other couple at the falls, swimming in the pond at the bottom. You and Bucky sat by each other drinking water and snacking on trail mix. He laid back and closed his eyes.

“This was a great idea. Gorgeous little spot.” He turned his head toward you and his right hand reached up to stroke your cheek. You laid down on his chest and listened to his heartbeat, while his hand moved in your hair. After about half an hour the splashing in the pond stopped and the couple gathered their stuff to leave, waving polite goodbyes as they passed you and Bucky.

“I think we’re alone now,” you sang.

“Sam put two versions of that song on my phone,” Bucky grinned. 

“I’m going swimming,” you announced as you sat up and started digging through the pack for your suits. You pulled out the towels, but the suits were nowhere to be seen.

“Shit. Where are they?” You slapped your hand to your forehead. “I left them on the bed. Dammit.”

“Nobody here but us,” Bucky said slyly.

“Right now. Someone could come.”

“Enhanced hearing,” Bucky said. “I’ll have plenty of warning.” He jumped up beside you and pulled his shirt off. You sucked in your breath at the sight of his bare chest and instant arousal you felt at the sight of his tanned skin and perfect muscles. Then he shucked his shoes, socks, and jeans and threw them on top of the bag. 

“You’re shameless,” he smirked as you just gawked at the sight of him in his black boxer briefs.  
“You’re gonna swim in your underwear?” you asked.

“Then my underwear would be wet.” Bucky yanked them to his ankles and stepped out of them, tossing the Calvin Kleins at you.

You bit your lip and tried to ignore the wetness pooling between your legs. Every inch of him was perfect. Forget swimming, you just wanted to push him to the ground and ride his gorgeous cock. A loud splash drew your attention and he surfaced, shaking water from his hair. 

“I’m lonely,” he called out.

You didn’t break eye contact with him, other than to pull your shirt over your head as you stripped. He visibly stilled at the sight of you standing there naked.

“Get in here,” he said in a quiet voice, dripping with want.

You waded in, hesitating and shivering at the chill.

“I’ll warm you up.”

“I bet you will.”

When you reached him, he pulled you into his chest and moved deeper into the pond. He could still stand with his shoulders and head out, but if you weren’t wrapped around his waist, only the top of your head would be visible. 

His tongue slipped into your mouth and you could feel his cock twitching against your ass. 

“Bucky,” you murmured.

“Yes, baby?”

“I want you to fuck me.”

He inhaled deeply and slid his hands to your hips, maneuvering you effortlessly onto his throbbing cock. He did all the work, moving your body while you clung to him and gasped your pleasure.

The water rippled around the two of you as your bodies worked each other to climax. You came first, throwing your head back and closing your eyes. Then he yanked you back to him, grabbed your hair as tightly as he could without hurting you and pulsed inside you. Then he just held you there, rocking you gently in the water as you both came down from your high.

“Y/N,” he said quietly.

“Yes?” you said, tracing your finger along his collar bone.

“I don’t know why I get to be the lucky one here with you, but I want you to know how much you mean to me and how grateful I am that you see something in me worth caring about.”

“I’m crazy about you, Bucky. You’re sweet, protective, loyal and kind. That’s why you’re here.”

“I want to take care of you. I know you’re smart, strong and capable and don’t need me to take care of you. But I still want to. I like making you smile. Seeing you happy.”

“I feel the same way about you,” you whispered back, leaning your forehead against his. 

***

You hiked part of the way back, and Bucky carried you through the more challenging section.

“I promise to get back in shape so you don’t have to do this again.”

“I like it,” he grinned. “It serves my primal need to take care of my girl and keep her close.”

“You’re goofy,” you said, planting a kiss on the side of his neck.


	12. Secrets Revealed

“This is incredible,” Bucky said, helping himself to a third serving of your mom’s chicken casserole. Your mom looked thrilled and you silently patted yourself on the back for giving your mom a heads up on how much super soldiers can eat.

“So you two have plans this evening?” your mom asked.

“I’m taking him over to the new brewery. They are having their official grand opening this weekend so they are staying open late. Bucky wants to try some local craft beer.”

“You said he couldn’t get drunk,” your brother interrupted. “Are you sure you aren’t the one who wants to drink beers?”

“That’s true. I can’t,” Bucky laughed. “But beer has come a long way from my days. I like to try new things.”  
Bucky helped your mom clear the table, and after you freshened up, you both headed to the car.

After you started the Honda and belted yourself in, he leaned over and kissed your cheek. “I could kiss you all day, every day,” he said.

“I’d let you,” you winked back.

He took your hand as you both walked inside. Despite the warm weather, he was wearing a long sleeve shirt and a glove. He saw you looking at it since there hadn’t been much need for it in your time in the tower and at your parent’s house.

“The arm draws attention,” he sighed. “And not everyone is ready to forgive.”

Both of you ordered samplers with your personal selections of four local brews, then found a high table near a window. 

“I like this one,” he said, holding it out for you to try. 

“Ugh,” you replied, smacking your lips. “Way too hoppy.”

He chuckled and reached out to try one of yours. “Way too fruity,” he grimaced.

“It’s delicious,” you said, giving a playful smack to his gloved hand, then lacing your fingers with his leather ones.

“Du nimmst mir den Atem,” Bucky said.

Your face scrunched up as you attempted to translate it in your head. Your German studies hadn’t gotten very far, but then you smiled and looked at him.

“Du hast mein Herz.”

Bucky pressed his lips together as a wave of emotion passed visibly on his face. 

***

After finishing the sampler, you’d each ordered a pint of your favorites. As you walked to the parking lot, you were giggling and leaning into him, and his arm clutched you tightly at the waist. When you reached the car, you grabbed the front of this shirt and pulled him into a sloppy kiss.

“You’re so adorable when you’re tipsy,” he murmured, reaching into your purse and taking your keys. He grabbed your hand and walked you to the passenger side, opened the door, and helped you in.

“A gentleman in public and a freak in the bed,” you said and smacked him on the ass as he turned away.

“You’re ridiculous,” he said, climbing into the driver’s seat, but still leaned over and pecked your cheek. 

Just as he put the key in the ignition, his phone dinged with an incoming text. 

“Steve. Says I should call him as soon as I get a chance. I’ll do it when we get to the house.”

“Tell Steve your ass is mine this week. I’m not sharing.”

“My ass is always yours.”

You giggled and rolled down your window, looking up at stars and breathing in the clean mountain air. When you pulled into the house, the lights in the living room were bright and you could see your family intently gathered in front of the television.

“Why are they all standing in front of the TV?” you asked out loud.

You and Bucky walked into the house, your parents and brother slowly turning from the TV to face you as they heard the door click shut. Their faces were confused. Your mom looked angry. Your brother’s eyes darted back and forth between you and Bucky.

“What is going on?” you asked.

Bucky’s phone began to ring. 

“It’s Steve,” he said, but he looked back and forth from you to the phone and then your parents, unsure what was going on and whether this was a good time to take a phone call.

“You took her,” your mom said in a flat voice.

“What? What are you talking about, mom?”

“He is the one who took you from us. Did you know that?”

Your mouth dropped. “Wha- What?”

“He drugged you and dragged you out of your apartment! And then the Avengers think they can rescue you and have you hanging out with the man who ruined your life?! Did they not even tell you who he really is?! What he did to you? And then they let you bring him into your home?!”

“Mom, mom, it’s not like that.”

“It was just on the news! A bunch of new information on HYDRA’s abduction program got dumped on the internet and he was the one they used to take people.”

You turned to look at Bucky, whose face was a mask of pure devastation.

“I can go,” he whispered. “I should go.”

“No!” you snapped, now stone cold sober. You walked over and placed your hands on each side of his face. “Bucky, please go to your room and let me talk to them. It’s okay.” You tried to give him the most reassuring look you could. “It’s okay, Bucky. I’ll make them understand. Please just wait for me there.”

He nodded.

“Pack your bags,” your brother hissed at him.

“Shut up!” you yelled, giving him a dirty look. Then you turned back to Bucky. “I’ll be down soon. It’s okay.”

He nodded and left without another word.

You turned around. “Sit. Let’s talk.”

***  
Bucky’s POV

My whole body was tingling. Tears pricked my eyes, but I gritted my teeth and refused to allow them to flow. I was going to lose her. And I deserved to. The pain was unbearable. I sat on the edge of the bed with my hands shaking. My phone rang again. Steve.

“Steve,” I managed to force out.

“Buck, you okay? You sound weird.”

“They know what I did. They hate me,” a sob caught in my throat. 

“Shit, Bucky. I’m so sorry. We didn’t know what Ross did, so I couldn’t give you heads up until it was too late and the all the news outlets had the story.”

“What happened?”

“Secretary Ross,” Steve said, voice full of venom. “He’s still bitter over the Accords not working out. He knows we’re set to go public with you as part of the team, so he got his hands on these files and released them to make you, all of us, look bad.”

“Fuck,” I whispered.

“Bucky, I’m so sorry. He’s angry with me and Tony. You just caught in the middle.”

“I can’t lose her, Stevie. I can’t.”

“You won’t lose her. She already knew and she forgave you. I see the way she looks at you. You won’t lose her, Bucky.”

“Her family is angry. And people will say things about her, being with the man who kidnapped her. They would already say things about any woman dating the former Winter Soldier, but this- They’ll crucify her publicly.”

“Bucky, just promise me you will talk to her before you do anything rash. We will get through this. Pepper is a master of PR. Don’t. Do. Anything. Stupid.”

“Okay okay. Thank you for calling, Steve. I’ll let you know if you have to come get me.”

“Anytime, Buck. Whatever you need.”

I set the phone on the bed and sat there frozen. The voices upstairs would range from whispers to yells, then quiet down again. It would have been easy to make out what they were saying, but instead I tuned it out, unable to bear the thought of what I might hear. Eventually, the sound of footsteps came down the stairs. I tensed, afraid of what might be coming. Relief washed over me when I saw Y/N’s face with a soft smile.

“Hi, sweetheart,” she said.

“Hey,” I choked out.

She came over and sat on my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. I broke and began to sob, my face buried in her shirt.

“Oh, baby,” she whispered stroking my hair. “It’s okay.”  
“Steve can come get me,” I mumbled.

“Not tonight he’s not. It’s late.”

“Your parents want me to leave and I don’t blame them.”

“They’ve calmed down. I told them everything. I told them it’s absurd for them to be able to recognize everything else you were forced to do wasn’t your fault, and then hold this one act against you. That was no more your fault than anything else. It’s personal for them, so it will take some time, but it will be okay.”

“I’m not sure parents are wired to forgive people who forcibly kidnap their children.”

“Well they don’t have a choice because you’re in my life and you aren’t going anywhere.”

“I don’t deserve you. They’re right. And you don’t deserve the things people will say about you when they find out you're seeing the man who stole your life.”

“This is hardly the way I wanted to tell you for the first time, but you need to know it. I love you. I am in love with you,” she said tenderly, eyes welling up.

“I love you, too,” I choked out. “So much it hurts. I just can’t be the one to cause you any more pain.”

“You really love me, right? This isn’t just guilt over what happened? Trying to make amends?” 

I gasped. “No! God, no. If anything, I feel guilty for being with you, when you should have so much more. But I don’t have the strength to give you up. I love you too fucking much.”

She smiled and rubbed her thumb over my cheekbone. “Bucky, neither of us chose our paths to this place, but we can choose each other now. I love you. You love me. We deserve each other because we can make each other happy.”

“What happens now?”

“Tomorrow you should go back. I hate it, but I need to deal with this here, calm things down. Then we will figure out the next step. I just need you to trust me that I’m not letting you go.”

I nodded and held her tightly, eventually leaning over to pull back the covers so we could climb under and hold each other. Despite the warmth of her reassuring words and sweet kisses, I feared this would be the last night I ever spent with her like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> You take my breath away.
> 
>  
> 
> You have my heart.
> 
> *At least according to Google translate anyway ;)


	13. Fallout

“It’s time, Soldat. Your assignment is to break her. Prepare her for her mission.”

The Soldier looked at the woman lying on the table, strapped down, gagged, eyes huge with fear.

He stood over her, something prickling at the edge of his subconscious. _I know her._ Dr. Rowe handed him a knife.

“Use this,” he said. “Don’t mark her where it will be visible. We can’t have visible scars for her missions.”

She struggled and tears ran down the sides of her face into her hair.

The Soldier took the knife and began to unbutton her shirt, exposing her stomach. He placed the sharp edge against her soft skin. For the first time in decades, he hesitated at his orders as he looked into her face. Something inside urged him not to comply.

“Soldat! Cut her.”

Unable to figure out the source of his feelings, he dragged the knife across her stomach. Her body bucked and she moaned in pain behind the gag. Blood began to flow.

“Again.”

He made a parallel slice and she continued to fight her bonds, tears flowing, screams muffled.

“One more, Soldat. Give her a taste of what will happen if she doesn’t cooperate.”

He made one last cut, but more blood began to pour out than there should have been.

Dr. Rowe rushed forward to stem the flow, but it was too late.

“You cut her too deep. She’s going to die. Finish her. Cut her throat.”

The Soldier reached out and pulled her gag out.

“Bucky,” she whimpered. “Please. I love you. Stop. Please.”

“Who the hell is Bucky?” he growled as he drew the knife across her throat.

***

“No!” the scream caught in my throat and I flew up violently. I fell to the floor, hands first and crawled the rest of the way off dry heaving.

“Y/N,” I whimpered. She was gone. I had killed her. Killed her as she begged him and told me she loved me. “I’m sorry, baby.”

I curled up in the fetal position on the floor and sobbed, panicking and rolling away when I felt hands on my face.

“Bucky! You had a nightmare. Look at me.”

I turned my head toward the soft, familiar voice. “I killed you,” I whimpered. “Baby, no. I’m so sorry.”

“No, you didn’t, Bucky. I’m right here.”

I got on my hands and knees and crawled to her. The fog of sleep was slowing starting to lift, but the terror and shame remained. Was she real? Which one was the dream? When I reached her, I pulled up her shirt and inspected her stomach. Then my hands went to her neck, where I fully expected to feel her hot, sticky blood pouring out. There was nothing. My eyes rose to meet hers and I just saw compassion and worry.

She took my hands and pulled me up and back to the bed. She laid on her back against some pillows and I buried my face in her stomach, still shaking. She had one hand in my hair and the other rubbing my back, her sweet voice offering constant assurances that she was fine and I would never hurt her.

I lifted her shirt again just to be sure. Then rested my face on her bare skin.

“It’s okay, Bucky. I’ve got you.”

Her warmth helped the shaking to subside. I focused on the feel of her fingers on my back and scalp, the tension in my body slowly releasing. Eventually we both drifted back to sleep.

***

We left early the next morning before her family was up, so she could drive me to the field where Steve would pick me up. Being Steve, he was already there waiting.

Y/N embraced me. And we just stood there, foreheads pressed against each other. Steve kept a polite distance so we could say our goodbyes privately.

“I’ll miss you, baby,” I said.

“I’ll miss you, too, but this is not goodbye forever. Just remember that. It’s going to be a rough ride for a bit with the press, but we’ve been through worse. And now we have each other to get through the tough stuff.”

I nodded. “That’s why I love you. So fucking strong.”

She gave me a lingering kiss, then took my hand as we walked to the quinjet. Steve embraced her, and she whispered in his ear. He nodded and I reluctantly began to follow him into the jet.

I turned back and she blew me a kiss, so I blew her one back before Steve closed the door. Then I took the seat next to him in the cockpit.

“How you doing, Buck?”

“Been better. But in fairness, I suppose I’ve been worse.”

“Ross is an asshole,” Steve spit out. “Like you haven’t been through enough shit. He’s going to regret this.”

“Yikes, Stevie,” I couldn’t help chuckling. “This doesn’t sound like the level headed Captain America I know.”

“This isn’t Captain America speaking. It’s Steve fucking Rogers, your best friend.”

I smiled for the first time since we had walked back into Y/N’s house the night before. “Thanks, Steve. Hey, What did she say to you? Or am I allowed to know?”

“Just that I better take good care of you for her.”

I turned to look out the window, a smile curling at my lips.

***

When we landed back at the Tower, we could look down to the street and see the hubbub of reporters frothing over fresh details on the Winter Soldier program.

When I walked into the kitchen, I was startled to be greeted with a tight hug from Sam.

“Welcome back, man. Good to see you.”

“You’re back!” Pepper exclaimed, sticking her head through the door. “Great. I want to talk to you. We’re putting together our plans for how to announce you’re part of the team.”

“You’re going ahead with that? Now?”

“Damn, right. Fuck Ross.”

“Lots of that going around,” I chuckled.

“Actually, we’re gonna have to put the press conference on hold,” Tony said, walking through the door, munching on an apple. “Mission just popped up. Conference room 15 minutes. You too, Frosty.”

I sighed since I really just wanted to climb into my bed and close my eyes against the last 18 hours, but at least a mission would keep my mind busy. I hurried to my room to grab my gear. Sitting on the bed, I pulled out my phone to send Y/N a text. There was already one waiting from her.

Y/N: Miss you, sexy.

B: Miss you too, gorgeous. Leaving on unexpected mission so I may be unable to contact you for a bit. Promise I will as soon as I can. Love you with all my heart.

Y/N: Please be careful. Need you back safe and sound. I love you, too.

B: I promise.

Y/N: 😘😘😘

I sighed and picked up my mission bag, hoping it would be a quick one.

***

You stared at the main page of TMZ.

“Former Victim Rumored to Be in Relationship with Winter Soldier.”

Ross. It had to be. There were photos of you together in New York. He had been planning this humiliation of Bucky and the team for a while. His humiliation of you. He knew exactly what people would say. That you had Stockholm Syndrome, or you had actually worked as a HYDRA operative. That you were sick and brainwashed by your captor or that the two of you were conspiring against America. The public loves to speculate on social media when they don’t have to face the people they hurt. You, Bucky and the Avengers were all trending on Twitter and Facebook.

Happy even called and said Tony had arranged for private security at your parent’s home so you wouldn’t be harassed. The tracker was also reactivated as a safety precaution since you hadn’t bothered to remove it yet. Thanks to him, you guys could maintain a semblance of normalcy, since no one could get near your driveway anymore.

“You really love this guy, huh?” your brother said, taking a seat on the couch by you.

“Yes, and I don’t think that should be hard for you to understand because I could tell you liked him until Ross pulled his stunt. You’ve seen who he really is. Bucky Barnes. Not the Winter Soldier.”

“Still, Y/N, the family was in hell for years. Shit. At least you got to sleep through it.”

“I get that. And believe me, he gets it, too. Don’t for one second think he doesn’t suffer over what he was forced to do. But let’s be real here. For him to come here in the first place means you guys had accepted that he wasn’t responsible for his actions under HYDRA. You KNOW he was forced to kill people and you let him stay in our house. So you can’t turn around and say this one act is his responsibility if you’ve forgiven everything else. Oh, and fuck off with your sleep comment.”

“Sorry, you know what I mean. Look I get it from an objective standpoint, and I promise to work on my personal feelings about it.”

“Thank you. Think about the person who was just sitting at our dinner table. That’s who he is. Bucky.”

You glanced up to see your parents standing in the doorway, both of them nodding acceptance at your words.

***

After dinner, you sipped on a Jack and Coke and tried to focus on your book, fighting the temptation to read comments on articles about you and Bucky and the details of your kidnapping. Fresh information had reignited the talk show and social media wars over the Winter Soldier and the controversy over his pardon from the American government.

“He is a former POW, held in captivity longer than any other soldier has ever been! He is a war hero! This debate is ridiculous!” yelled one television pundit.

“He took an American civilian on U.S. soil. He murdered Americans! He should have been tried accordingly!” rebutted another.

Twitter user: @jimhollingsworth456 No human could withstand the kind of torture James Buchanan Barnes was subjected too. #IStandWithSgtBarnes

Twitter user: @aaron3087 No way you could torture me into doing the things the #WinterSoldier did. He made a choice to be a traitor.

Twitter user @sexycupcake21:  RT if you would lick Nutella off the Winter Soldier’s abs. Like if you would lick it off his 🍆

Facebook user Andrea Johnson: I cannot believe people are saying such horrible things about a man who fought for our country. Please delete yourself if you are one of them because I don’t need toxic people in my life.

Instagram user : wintersoldiergirl❄️💋

  
#bae 

Yes. It was best to stay off the Internet as half the country called for his head, the other half defended him, and an unknown percentage revealed their hidden metal arm kinks.

It was actually a relief when the phone rang, revealing Pepper Potts on the caller ID.


	14. What They Really Want

“You ready?” Pepper said, leading you down the hall.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

“I’m glad you wanted to do this. Anne is fantastic, and if you’re only going to do this once, she’s the one to talk to.”

You stepped into the room, where a crew was finalizing the placement of some equipment. Anne Blackwell strode toward you and shook your hand. 

“It’s nice to meet you. Thank you so much for doing the interview,” Anne said.

“Thank you for giving me a chance to tell my story.”

You took a seat in the chair opposite her and a makeup person did a last minute makeup check.

“So the program will lead into your interview with a recap of Bucky’s time in the army and as a Howling Commando, as well as his friendship with Steve. It will also review the information we have on the Winter Soldier program, and the latest information on the systematic kidnapping. Then we will get into your personal experience.”

You nodded and began.

The first portion of the interview, you discussed the memory of your kidnapping, from your realization you weren’t alone in your apartment to waking on a table surrounded by white lab coats.

“And when you woke up on the HYDRA base, where was the Winter Soldier, now again known as Sgt. James Buchanan Barnes?”

“I never saw him again with HYDRA after my apartment. As far as I remember, I woke up to them prepping me for cryo and next thing I knew it was five years later.”

“There was a story in the Daily Mail about the alleged torture you were subjected to by the Soldier.”

“Completely false. Somehow I was lucky enough not to undergo physical torture by any members of HYDRA.”

“So tell me about waking up? Where were you?”

“I woke up in the Avengers Tower. I was confused and terrified so I tried to escape. I panicked and ripped out my IV in bad way, so I was losing a lot of blood, but I made it to the roof.”

“What happened on the roof?”

“That was the first time I saw him again. I recognized his arm, and I became so terrified that I almost jumped off. I didn’t want to kill myself; I was just incoherent at that point. I started to fall and Sgt. Barnes caught me and saved my life. I later found out he personally had carried me out of the HYDRA base when the Avengers found me.”

“I imagine waking up to find that the man who took you is now living with you was a bit of shock.”

“I was pretty angry, but he really went out of his way to make me feel safe.” You went on to detail how he kept his distance and the anonymous gifts.

“Wow. I think most of our viewers have seen footage of the Soldier in action and it’s a little difficult to picture the man from the news coverage in DC, Bucharest and Vienna with a man who leaves secret candy bar gifts on a door. Is it true that your relationship with the Winter Soldier has developed into a romantic one?”

“The man in the news footage is not the man who left me the gifts.”

Anne gave you a confused look. “What do you mean? The Winter Soldier took you didn’t he?”

“I am not in a relationship with the Winter Soldier.”

“There are pictures of you with him in New York that look very cozy.”

“I am not in a relationship with the Winter Soldier,” you repeated. “I am in a relationship with Bucky Barnes.”

“But Bucky Barnes is the same man who took you from your apartment, is he not?”

“While under HYDRA’s control and not of his own volition, yes. But I’ve had months to get to know who he really is, now that he’s free. He’s been nothing but kind, sweet and protective since I was rescued. He suffers over what he was forced to do and now he wants to help people and make the world a better place. That’s who Bucky Barnes really is. He’s the most loyal person I’ve ever met. He’d lay down his life for the people he cares about. That man who gave his life for Captain America, Steve Rogers in the history books? THAT is the real Bucky Barnes.”

You continued. “The real Bucky Barnes loves space podcasts and history documentaries. We also talk about books and he loves making music playlists. He says, yes, ma’am and no, sir. He lost almost everyone he loved so he doesn’t take for granted the people he has now.”

“There has been a lot of speculation about the nature of your relationship and whether it’s healthy.”

You took a deep breath. “I know that this interview will fall on deaf ears for the people who’ve already judged him, but all I can do is tell you my experience. Bucky is kind and beautiful, inside and out. I trust him and I love him.”

“There are rumors that he is set to be officially announced as a member of the Avengers. Can you tell us about that?”

“I can’t. I’m here to tell you my story, but I cannot speak for him or the team.”

“There have also been accusations leveled that the information on your kidnapping, as well as your identity, was leaked from the office of the Secretary of State,” Anne said. 

“That would be very disappointing if true,” you replied. “Secretary Ross was instrumental in getting Bucky’s pardon here when the public was clamoring for forgiveness after his torture was first revealed. Ross is a military man himself. To turn on one of your own, a POW no less would be reprehensible. In fact-” 

Now you leaned forward for emphasis. “I would certainly hope Secretary Ross is working with the other governments, which have asked for Sgt. Barnes’ extradition, to obtain their pardons as well. Certainly the SOS of the United States wouldn’t think that he should be held responsible for the things he was forced to do in other countries, but not here. That simply wouldn’t make sense, would it?”

You saw Pepper smirk and bite her lip out of the corner of your eye.

“So final thoughts on everything that has happened?”

“People will say what they want to say. I can’t change that. But I am not ashamed of who I am or who Bucky is. Nor am I ashamed of how deeply I’ve come to care for him. I will not hide.”

***

“Hey, Buck,” Steve called. Get in here.”

Bucky joined Steve and Tony in the living room of the small house they were using as a base of operations.

“You might want to watch this,” Tony said.

***

FRIDAY woke you the next morning in the Tower.

“You have a visitor in the lobby. Secretary Ross has requested to speak with you.”

You jolted up.

“You can’t be fucking serious.”

“I would not make this up,” the AI replied. “Mr. Stark usually makes me lock him temporarily into a hallway or bathroom claiming system malfunction. Should I enact the Secretary Asshole protocol?”

You snorted. “That’s okay.”

You threw some clothes on and rode to the lobby nervously. Ross stared at you evenly as you approached him. 

“Can we talk somewhere private?”

FRIDAY directed you to a first floor conference room.

“Well played,” Ross said. “Sympathy for the Soldier is up in the polls again. I’ve got the president asking me why I haven’t handled the extradition requests more expediently.”

“Well, why haven’t you?”

Ross glared at you. “Just because you’re a sucker for some muscles doesn’t mean we need to give traitors carte blanche over national security. This entire team is out of control.”

“But if you had gotten the Accords through successfully, everything would be just dandy, right? I don’t know, Mr. Secretary. It seems like last time you got creative with national security, things didn’t go too well. Or have you forgotten what you did to Banner? And what the Abomination did to Harlem?”

“You know nothing,” he hissed.

“You’ve also gotten close to some questionable people over the years. Senator Stern. Justin Hammer. I’m not confident you’re the man to be telling the Avengers how to do their jobs.”

“Well, apparently living in the Tower gives you access to all kinds of bullshit information, huh?”

“I listen. I pay attention. I learn. That’s why HYDRA took me in the first place. Wouldn’t it be a shame if I were to mention hearing your name while I was being kept in Siberia? That they seemed to know you? Your name just peppered all over the conversation before they stuck me in the fridge.”

A look of genuine confusion crossed his face. “What are you talking about? I didn’t know Stern was HYDRA. That’s not true. I was not involved with that!”

“The world is a funny place, Mr. Secretary. Once something gets said, it’s very hard to take it back, whether it’s true or not. People don’t care about truth. They are looking for someone to blame, a scapegoat. You tried to make Bucky your scapegoat. But it’s not going to happen. I hope you will spend some time on those extradition requests now that you don’t have to worry about the Avengers anymore.”

“I’m not HYDRA!” he yelled. 

“Well, you can always take to Twitter to refute me,” you said calmly. “Then again, if you help Bucky, there won’t be any need for that.”

“You’d be lying.”

“The world doesn’t care about the truth anymore, Secretary Ross. Only proving what they already know. You of all people should be aware of that.”

You turned and exited, leaving a sputtering red-face government official behind you.

“FRIDAY?”

“Yes?”

“Enact the protocol.”

***

You were waiting when the quinjet landed. Bucky dropped everything on the ground and ran to you, hauling you up and hugging you as if it had been years.

“Baby,” he murmured, finding your lips.

“Oh man, come on!” you heard Sam yelp.

“Oh shush. Let them have their moment,” Natasha replied, smacking him on the back.

The rest of the team continued on their way as you planted kisses all over his face.

“I saw you on TV,” he said quietly. “Thank you for saying such beautiful things about me.”

“They’re all true,” you replied, cupping his chin.

“God, I do not want to put you down, but I have to grab this fucking gear.”

You grinned. “That’s okay. Put it away. Then I need to show you something.”

You watched him store his weapons in the appropriate lockers and shed the top layer of mission gear so that he was left in his black boots, combat pants and a black t-shirt. Then he took your hand and let you lead him.

“Who are we meeting?” he asked, as you led him into the business offices of Stark Enterprises. 

“You’ll see.”

You abruptly pulled him into an empty office. “I need you right now, Bucky,” you said jumping into his arms and wrapping your legs around his waist.

Bucky responded instantly, tongue exploring your mouth then licking the crook of your neck. He set you on the desk and pushed your shirt up, fondling your breasts over your bra, then yanking the cups down so you were exposed. His tongue traced your nipples and you moaned. Your hands fumbled with his belt buckle and he helped to push his pants down just enough so he could spring free. His hands went under your skirt to explore, an audible moan escaping when he discovered you had no panties on.

You wasted no time, grasping him and guiding him into you. He laid you back on the desk and you wrapped your legs around his waist.

“I love you so much,” he was able to get out between thrusts.

“I love you, too,” you moaned as the dam broke on your pleasure and you buried your cries in his neck, much like the first time you’d made love.

“That was a hell of a welcome home party,” he grinned afterward, zipping his pants and helping you put yourself back together.

“Good. I hope it makes up for my exceptional lack of professionalism,” you replied.

His brows knitted in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, nothing. Just that fucking my beautiful boyfriend on my new desk before I’ve even started my new job in my new office is pretty unprofessional. But worth it.”

Bucky’s mouth hung open. “You mean…”

“Pepper offered me a job on their international team. And I took it. This is my office.”

“You’re staying in New York?” Bucky said shakily.

“I’m staying.”

Bucky reached you in one large stride and pulled you to him. “I’m so happy. This is-”

He stopped and looked at you. “Are you sure you’re ready to be away from your family again?”

“They’ll visit regularly. And I’ll visit them. We will visit them. Together. Bucky, this is where I want to be now.”

You embraced again, neither wanting to let the other go.

***

Twitter user @jjg567: Tell Secretary Ross We Support Our Veterans. Sign my petition at change.org.

Twitter user @jackie5578: Bucky Barnes could punch me in the face and I’d thank him for it.

Twitter user @AjaxHarrisShowLive: The Avengers are part of a secret program to destabilize the American government! Tune in tonight!

Twitter user @logicalthinker885: Too bad all veterans don’t get services courtesy the deep pockets of Tony Stark

Twitter user @stuckyfan: When is Bucky gonna dump Y/N and admit he’s in love with Steve?

Twitter user @amyflowersevans:  Bucky Barnes and Y/N Y/L/N are couple goals!

Twitter user @AvengersOfficial

 

Welcome to the team, Bucky Barnes. Inseparable on both playground and battlefield. #TBT


End file.
